i guess the mice in that video are actually dead, which i didn’t realize- i just thought they were fake.   i love the line where they sing “they got a pepper BARRRR.”

this guy is not as impressed as i am with these commershals.  http://chriscurtis.org/weblog/entry/quiznos_dead_mouse_commercial/

haha what if i really thought that’s how you spelled commericals?!  you’d think i was a moron!  notice how moron sounds how it’s spelled?  thats nott a cowinsidinse.

this brings me to an issue i have.  i am a snob about spelling.  if you can’t spell, you immediately lose credibility. (shoot doo i hav enny spelling mistakes thus far?  that wud bee a bummer cuz its pritty fun to spell things like thay sownd.  munkee.  shampain.  lewzer).  hahahahahaha!

hay iz it uhnoying win i rite ‘hahahahahaha?”  its sorta like ime telling yew to laff.  do i reely beleeve in myself that littul?  that i haff to tell yu wen to laff?  lame.

i will deel with this ishoo by cuntinewing to spell fonetiklee. sarree momm.  i no this iz not wut yew had in mined win yew sent me auff to cawlidge.  butt i think ime awn tew sumthing heer.  ime awn a role.



dude.  this weekend was awesome!  mom went to sebastopol to hang out with her friend sarah.  i had the bachelor pad all to myself!  mom said it was my big chance to prove i am responsible enough to stay home alone.  well i sure proved something, alright:

i am the most hardcore badass party animal ever!  pun intended!

this is me with my first cocktail.   as you can see i am an excellent host.  i even used the coasters.  and i provided a wide selection of snacks for my guests, both monkey and puppet friendly, since my boyz matt and marcus were coming by.  it was their job to bring the honeys.

and the honeys were smokin!

they were all “ooh staples!  your fur is so soft!  your opposable thumbs are soooooo big!”

and i was all “hey, ladies, one at a time!  there’s enough staples to go around.”

matt and marcus were trying to cramp my style.  they thought just because they brought the round table pizza, they were going to get all the action.  but i set ’em straight.

i was all “ladies, let papa staples give you a piece of advice.  lose those chumps and get with a chimp.”  that did the trick.  i was fightin’ the honeys off with a stick for the rest of the night.  boo-ya.

oh damn.  i gotta go.  gotta get the house cleaned up before mom gets home.  i hope she doesn’t notice what i did to her car!  wish me luck.


staples t. monkey

Invite Death to Gmail

December 6, 2005

if you have an account with gmail, at the bottom of every received message, you can click on an option to invite the sender to be part of the team gmail by opening an account with them.
usually this provides little comedy and scant interest, because nobody wants to be the annoying “always-computing-trying-to-get-all-my-friends-onto-my-network” guy and send those invites around to every tom, dick and harry they know.

but i recently signed up for the death cab for cutie e-mail list, so they sent me some memo or something, and at the bottom of the message it says

“Invite Death to Gmail”

it just kinda made me chuckle.

Hello world!

November 24, 2005

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